


Come Undone

by 8ucky8arnes



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 3x05 spoilers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-20 21:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21288821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8ucky8arnes/pseuds/8ucky8arnes
Summary: It had been nearly two weeks and Eddie was still so…distant.There were no warm smiles or amused chuckles or even the occasional brush of his shoulder or steadying hand. Those eyes looked at him so coldly now, with a wariness that told him Eddie was just waiting for him to do something reckless. To fuck something up.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 20
Kudos: 720
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Come Undone

**Author's Note:**

> I started this on Monday and planned to have it _before_ the episode came out but it got away from me (another word count record!) because once I started writing these two I can't seem to stop. So I hope you all enjoy all 7k words of rambling and angst. Let me know what you all think!

The moment his fist had connected with that man’s face, Eddie should’ve sensed that something inside of him had snapped. That in the split second it had taken for him to wind his arm back and swing, he’d crossed a line he wouldn’t be able to come back from on his own.

But neither of those realizations had occurred to him then because his mind, usually overflowing with spiraling thoughts and a hurricane of emotions: the guilt and helplessness of being unable to help his son, the anger of seeing Buck sitting across from him while that damn lawyer had the gall to throw Shannon’s death back at him-

It was gone.

There was nothing.

He was _empty_.

Then the world had rushed back with the slam of metal bars and Eddie clutched at his head, everything coming back with the force of a fucking tsunami and for the barest of moments, he wanted nothing more than have the silence back, to quiet the chaos of his mind…

He managed to push those thoughts far, _far _away, though, when he called Lena and the next couple hours had kept his mind on work. Kept himself from focusing too much on the feelings and how he’d made them stop.

But then she’d taken him to the fighting ring and all Eddie could think about was Christopher, worried that the sleepover had gone terribly wrong, that he would have a nightmare and he wouldn’t be there if something happened…

Lena had called him out then and honestly, Eddie could see a grain of truth to her words in regards to the…parking lot incident. He knew he’d blown his top over something that he probably would’ve ignored a week ago…or at least waited until there was a punching bag in front of him instead of an actual person…

Yet that small part of him urged Eddie to jump into the ring, to drop his nearly iron-clad self-control and just let loose. That doing that here would be better than getting arrested or snapping at someone later…

He’d shaken it off, though, hesitant to allow his emotions to have that much free reign given that the last time he’d done it, it had landed him in a jail cell. Eddie had just been lucky that the charges had been dropped, that his future in the 118 hadn’t been compromised because of the outburst…

It had seemed to work because the next day was fine. He’d dropped Christopher off at school. Work hadn’t been too tense, all things considered. Every scene they’d been were called to was handled well, with no lives lost, and the trip to Howie’s Market seemed to be just another perfectly normal occasion.

But then Buck had walked up to them with blue eyes heavy with pain and guilt and apologies for all that he’d put the team through. How he’d never meant for all those things to be said, and Eddie couldn’t stop his anger from rising.

Because he’d found himself at the mercy of an eight-year-old once more, being barraged with questions about Buck and where he was and when he was coming back. It reminded him all too much of the months following Shannon’s departure and he realized that someone he trusted with son, someone who loved Christopher like he was his own, had left him without explanation.

_Again_.

It pissed him off.

And he _snapped_.

The anger that had filled him as that man had gotten in his face was nothing compared to the blood-boiling rage pulsing through his entire body as he threw those words (and more) at Buck like daggers, every one hitting their mark with a sniper’s accuracy and when he saw the stunned horror and guilt on Buck’s face, he…

He hadn’t _cared_.

At that moment, he hadn’t care that Buck was his best friend, that he was using his son’s feelings as a weapon, that the others were looking at him with a modicum of fear and concern as he took one step forward, then another…

The crash from outside had snapped him out of it before words turned into fists, but the feelings and thoughts weren’t so easily shoved back this time. The heat just coiled tighter and tighter in the pit of his stomach, every sidelong glance from Bobby or Hen or Chimney only adding onto it, the energy crackling underneath his skin.

He was a raw nerve. A live wire that would lash out at the nearest person and the last fragments of his rationality told him that he shouldn’t be anywhere near the 118, anywhere near his family, anywhere near _Christopher_…

Eddie knew he couldn’t snap like that again, that he wouldn’t get lucky a second time if he lashed out at any random bystander that pushed the wrong button. Whatever it was inside of him needed an outlet and fast.

So he took Lena’s advice and declined Bobby’s invite, telling no one where he went.

A part of him felt bad for not saying anything but he knew all they would do was try and talk him out of it. That he just needed to talk to someone…anyone. That fighting wouldn’t help. That it wasn’t healthy…

Eddie didn’t need to talk about it to them, let alone a complete stranger.

_And hitting a complete stranger is any better?_

The voice sounded strangely like Buck and Eddie clenched his jaw as his fingers tightened on the steering wheel. He parked his truck and slammed the door shut behind him, striding over the large ring of people that had formed.

_Better someone eager for a fight._

The voice said nothing more as he pulled off his shirt and draped it over one the side mirrors of cars encircling the mats that had been laid down, Eddie already feeling that fire building in his chest as he rolled his shoulders.

He jumped into the ring at the first opportunity…

…and _let go_.

It was like a bomb had gone off, everything exploding from him in a storm of punches and kicks as he threw it all at the nameless, faceless man in front of him. Every time his fist struck flesh, every kick delivered, it released things that had been locked away since Afghanistan and they lashed out for the first time in _years_…

And they _reveled_ in it.

Eddie should’ve known that allowing that part of him free reign would fuck everything up, but that energy, that heat, that buzz was turning those thoughts to nothing more than white noise that he needed to _quiet_ as soon as possible.

A very distant part of his mind, the rational clear-headed soldier he’d been, could see that he was teetering over an abyss. That he was about to take a hit of something he wouldn’t be able to kick. Something that would overtake him and control him completely. Something that had the potential to tear his life apart.

But at that moment, he didn’t care.

All he heard was static.

All he saw was red.

He needed everything to _stop_.

And when a fist connected with his jaw, snapping his head back, it did.

But only for a second.

The strike sent his body slamming into the wall of tires and Eddie spat out blood into the dirt, bearing his teeth in a feral smile as he pushed himself off it and drove his foot into the man’s ribs with enough force to send him into the ground _hard_.

But Eddie didn’t stop, _couldn’t _stop as he punched him again and again and _again_…

As he was dragged away, his arm pulled into the air, he screamed in victory, the demons in him howled for _more_.

More rage, more fights, more blood…

Even if it was his own.

So Eddie gave it to them.

_…_

Buck could tell that something was _off _about Eddie from the moment he’d returned, but he recalled the grocery store argument and reminded himself that he’d betrayed Eddie’s trust and had unintentionally hurt Christopher with the lawsuit.

What he saw in Eddie’s eyes wasn’t something that would go away in a day.

So Buck had expected that anger to be directed at him from the minute he stepped back in the firehouse, had expected the clenched jaw, the flinty eyes, the tight fists…hell, he’d even expected another round of the argument that been interrupting by the crash, but what he got was almost…_worse_.

It had been nearly two weeks and Eddie was still so…distant.

There were no warm smiles or amused chuckles or even the occasional brush of his shoulder or steadying hand. Those eyes looked at him so coldly now, with a wariness that told him Eddie was just waiting for him to do something reckless. To fuck something up.

The chill of déjà vu settled deep into his bones and Buck felt like a child again, head down under the disappointed glare of his father while his mother berated him for being a stupid, foolish, worthless child. That he couldn’t do anything right. That he was a screw-up. A disappointment. That she didn’t even know why she bothered having another child…

The ringing of the bell snapped him from that _lovely_ trip down memory lane and Buck was all too eager for something else to occupy his mind, sliding into the truck next to Chimney and putting his headset on.

He kept his eyes resolutely trained out the window as the city passed and Bobby gave them a quick rundown of what they knew about the call, Eddie’s frosty stare sending goosebumps crawling over Buck’s skin whenever the man looked his way.

He wouldn’t admit aloud how much it took to not turn his head back. How the thought of meeting that gaze had his stomach churning and eyes burning. How much it hurt to look at someone he called friend only weeks ago and see a total stranger…

The fire engine came to a stop and Buck let out a long breath, taking in the three-story house currently engulfed in flames. Dark smoke billowed upwards from the first floor, bleeding into the clear L.A. sky, and as Buck jumped out the truck, the screams of the family joined the mix.

“My baby!” The woman strained against the officers, “I can’t leave my baby! _McKenzy!_”

“_McKenzy!” _Her husband was being pulled back as well, “_McKenzy!_”

Buck’s eyes found a teenage girl (probably an older sister) standing just off to the side, hand over her mouth and face streaked with soot and tears. The sight of the family screaming for their child as their house went up in flames…

“Hen, Chimney, go check on the family.” Bobby turned around, voice stern and no-nonsense as he focused his stare on Buck and then on Eddie, “Buck, Eddie, take the ladder up to the second floor. FincKenzy.”

Eddie moved first and Buck followed quickly behind.

Buck said nothing as they got their equipment ready and began to climb the ladder, not wanting to tempt Eddie’s anger by saying or doing anything wrong. A burning building was the last place their carefully managed tension needed to snap.

But when they worked together, speaking had never been a necessity and even with everything else going on between them, when it came to this…being firefighters and saving people…this was something they took seriously.

The breaking of the window immediately shifted his focus and Buck clambered through behind Eddie, separating so they could find McKenzy before the fire moved any further upstairs and Eddie hurried to check the room at the end of the hall while Buck went to the first room.

“McKenzy!” Buck called out to her and could faintly hear Eddie doing the same down the hall over the cracking wood and roaring flames. “_McKenzy!_”

He kicked open one of the bedroom doors, shining his light through the smoke and checking every spot a little girl could be hiding but there was nothing and he moved into the attached bathroom, drawing the curtain back as Eddie came through the radio.

“I’ve got McKenzy. Moving back to you Buck.”

“Copy that.” He stepped back out into the hall and saw Eddie’s silhouette coming through the smoke, a child-sized bundle cradled in his arms. Buck made a move to allow Edie past when an ominous groaning came from above them.

Eddie reacted first, transferring McKenzy to Buck and shoving him toward the window and Buck barely had time to curl himself over the girl before the ceiling came down right where he’d been standing, body stiffening at the unfamiliar sound of Eddie crying out.

Checking that McKenzy was alright, he lifted his head.

“Eddie!”

Chunks of drywall fell off Eddie as he pushed himself up and he waved off Buck’s worry, but his movements were sluggish and uncoordinated now as he walked forward. His expression was difficult to read through the breathing mask and smoke and soot, but Buck could that he was in immense pain.

McKenzy whimpered.

Buck pulled down his mask and spoke into the radio, pulling the girl tighter against him, “We’re coming out, Cap.”

“Copy that.”

Buck began moving, only taking two steps before realizing that Eddie wasn’t right behind him and he turned to see the man holding on the banister on the top of the stairs so tightly he was sure his knuckles were white, “Eddie?”

Eddie shook his head, “I’m good. Go!”

Buck kept an ear out as he reached the broken window to a now waiting basket with Chim inside, handing the trembling little girl to him before turning back to find Eddie still hunched over. “Send the basket back up.”

Chim nodded, talking into his radio, “We’re ready to go, Cap.”

The ladder started moving down.

Buck walked over, “Eddie?”

The man was too busy wheezing and coughing to respond and given that he was still holding onto the banister like it was the only thing keeping him upright, Buck didn’t care if the next actions got him punched.

Buck reached out, to take Eddie’s shoulder, “Eddie come on, we need to-”

Eddie shoved him back with impressive force, all things considered, “I’m fine!”

_Clearly_, Buck thought as the action had his jaw tightening in pain and sent him into another coughing fit. He could feel the heat and see the flames of the fire as it moved to the stairs and he knew they were running out of time. “The fire’s moving, Eddie, and we need to, too.”

“So _now_ you care about me?”

Buck winced at the low blow, but that didn’t stop him from forcefully dragging the other man to the window. “We can have this argument later. Right now, we need to get out of this house and breathe some fresh air.”

Eddie was too busy coughing to respond and the sound of it wasn’t good.

Buck was even more concerned (and surprised) when Eddie leaned heavily on him, touching him voluntarily for the first time in weeks as his hand squeezed Buck’s arm like it had the banister. _Something was wrong_. “Come on.”

He was relieved to find the basket already waiting next to the window, moving Eddie to the windowsill as he climbed out into the basket and turned, reaching out to take his forearm and help him forward.

Eddie’s movements were becoming more stilted and his coughing turned into hacking, the fresh air seeming to make his breathing worse and in the light of day, his dark eyes appeared glassy and unfocused with pain.

Buck kept a steadying hand on Eddie, making sure he didn’t fall out of the basket while using the other for his radio. “We’re good to go down, Cap. Have Hen and Chim on standby. Eddie’s not looking too good.”

“Copy that. RA will be on standby.”

As soon as their feet touch the ground, Eddie went rigid and began gasping.

Buck staggered as Eddie collapsed, nearly pulling them both to the ground, and was immensely thankful that Hen and Chimney were at his side immediately, helping lower the man onto the ground.

Hen removed his helmet and the rest of his gear, “Eddie? Can you talk to me?”

Eddie just kept gasping.

Chim looked over at Buck, “What happened?”

“Part of the ceiling collapsed, but it didn’t look like anything more than some chunks of drywall!” He cleared his throat as Hen pulled off his suspenders and began cutting away his shirt, “He got right back up, though, and that’s when he started coughing. I thought he just had the wind knocked out of him but…”

“Chim…” Hen’s voice had them both turning.

Eddie’s torso was covered with layer upon layers of bruises in various stages of healing, ranging from dark purples and blues to shades of greenish-yellow. It looked as though he been beaten repeatedly for…weeks.

Chimney’s eyes widened in surprise more than anything, “Oh my God…”

Buck just blinked, watching as the two went to work.

Hen took the stethoscope Chim handed her, listening to his breathing on his right side and then his left side. She paused for a moment before draping the stethoscope around her neck, “Absent breath sounds on the left.”

Chimney crouched down, “Tension pneumothorax?”

“With all of…” she waved at the bruising, “_that_, I think it’s safe to say it is.”

As they pulled out everything they needed, Eddie’s demeanor began to shift and he struggled violently against Hen _and_ Chim, his speech a slurred mess of English and Spanish that made no sense as he shoved back, not unlike he did with Buck only minutes prior.

“He’s hypoxic.” Hen grunted, “Buck, Chim, hold him down so I get the damn needle in!”

Buck moved, sitting on Eddie’s hips and pinning his arms down while Chimney sat on his legs and Buck was surprised at how difficult it was to keep him still. Focusing on that, though, was what kept him from completely freaking out.

Hen moved quickly and the whoosh of air that came from the needle was like a sigh of relief, the tension leaving Eddie and the others. Buck and Chim were quick to get off of him so Hen could finish stabilizing him.

Hen and Chim lifted him onto the backboard, rolling him to the ambulance.

Bobby came over, put a hand on his shoulder, “You good, kid?”

Buck nodded, “Yeah, it’s just…how did we not know?”

Eddie had had the occasional split lip and skinned knuckles that they’d all attributed to boxing, which he’d been doing more of since Buck’s return, but Eddie had never given the slightest indication that it was anything more than that.

Bobby frowned, “Eddie’s a private man. He hid it well.”

Buck knew that tone and it didn’t bode well for Eddie when he was stabilized back at the hospital, but then the thought of going to the hospital sent his thoughts spiraling down another path as the ambulance sped off. “Christopher…”

Bobby gathered up Eddie’s things, “He’s at school?”

“Uh…” Buck reached in his pocket to pull out his phone, surprised to find that his hands were shaking. He flexed them once, twice, before sliding his thumb across and getting a look at the time, “Yeah, yeah he is.”

“Do you want to call the school?”

He hadn’t hung out with the boy more than twice since he dropped the lawsuit, more to do with Eddie’s reluctance to let him hang around his son again and given the words that had been hurled at him in the grocery store, Buck hadn’t blamed him…

However long it took to regain his trust, he would wait.

But this situation…that wasn’t something he could do.

Christopher deserved to know about his dad.

“Can we…” he swallowed, “Can we stop by there instead? Pick him up?”

For a moment, Buck thinks Bobby’s going to say no. That Eddie will be perfectly fine once he’s in the hospital and it would do no good to worry the kid any further by showing up covered in soot and smelling like smoke, but he nodded, “You have a change of clothes?”

He nodded, already putting in the number.

“This is Sarah at Durand School, how may I help you?”

Buck cleared his throat, forcing his voice to sound as calm as possible, “Hi Sarah, my name is Evan Buckley. I’m calling for Christopher Diaz. His father’s in the hospital and I was wondering if I could come and get him? I should be cleared to pick him up.”

_If Eddie hadn’t told them otherwise…_

There was the clicking of a keyboard, “Evan…Buckley?”

“Yeah.”

More clicking, “Yes, you are. How soon will you be there?”

He mouthed the question to Bobby, who motioned to the lights on the truck.

Buck almost smiled, “Ten minutes.”

“Alright, we’ll have him ready when you get here.”

“Thank you, Sarah. You have a nice day.”

“You too, Mr. Buckley.”

He ended the call, slipping the phone into his pocket and jumping into the back of the truck, shucking out of his gear and pulling off his sweat-soaked shirt. The short drive was a blur as he was given wipes to clean his face so he didn’t scare Christopher any further and tucked in a new shirt.

Christopher smiled brightly at him, “Buck!”

Even that grin couldn’t ease his worry and as he crouched down, he knew the boy sensed that something was going on, perceptive as he was because his expression sobered. Buck’s heart broke at such a serious look on a child’s face, “Hey, buddy.”

“What happened to Daddy?”

“He was hurt in a fire today, but he’s going to be okay.”

Chris looked at him closely, placing a hand on his cheek, “Were you hurt in the fire too?”

Buck shook his head, “No, no I’m okay, Christopher. I’m good. And your dad will be too.”

He nodded, “Because Dad’s really strong.”

“Yeah, yeah he is.” Buck stood, taking his backpack, “Let’s go surprise him, yeah?”

Chris nodded and they made their way to the firetruck.

…

Buck was surprised to find Maddie already in the waiting room with Hen and Chimney, speaking to both Pepa and Isobel. He’d guessed the hospital had contacted them when he’d been brought in and from the looks on their faces, Bobby might have to get in line…

“_Abuela_!”

All three women look up at Christopher’s voice, Isobel and Pepa sweeping Christopher up in a whirlwind of hugs and kisses and murmured words in Spanish while the boy just tilted his head back and laughed.

Buck sank into one of the chairs and let out a long breath, head in his hands.

Maddie came over, hand rubbing gentle circles over his back, “Buck?”

His response broke apart with a choked sound, “Mads...”

Her hand paused in its movements and she crouched down, her thumbs brushing away the tears he hadn’t noticed until that moment. Maddie’s eyes were full of concern, “Hey, hey...Evan talk to me. What’s going on?”

“This is my fault, Maddie.” His entire body is trembling and all he could remember are those bruises on Eddie’s chest and the lingering déjà vu from that morning: the wariness and the distance and the cold eyes… “All of it.”

“No, this is not your fault, Evan. What happened in the fire…”

He shook his head, “That’s not what I’m talking about, Maddie.”

Her voice remained calm, “Okay, then what _are _you talking about?”

Buck swallowed, “All those bruises. It looked like he’d-”

“Eddie chose that, Evan. He was the one that made the conscious decision to fight and not tell anyone about it.” Her fingers tightened on his jaw, “He knew what his injuries were and came into work anyway. None of that is on you.”

“Maddie, you’re not getting this.” He pulled back from her, “He never would’ve done _any_ of this if I hadn’t gone through with that stupid lawsuit. Eddie was so _angry _with me, Mads. When I went to apologize to him, he…”

_“You’re so exhausting!” Those dark eyes were blazing, “We all have our own problems but you don’t see us whining about it. You know, somehow we managed to suck it up.” His eyes ran the length of him and Eddie looked so…disappointed “Why can’t you?”_

Maddie’s expression shifted, looking at him carefully, “He _what_, Evan?”

“He hates me, Maddie.” He swallowed thickly, “My best friend hates me.”

She looked like she wanted to say something in response when footfall reached their ears and the siblings both looked up to find Hen and Chimney coming up to them. Buck wiped at his eyes while Maddie stood and walked over to Chimney, clearing his throat and pushing himself up, “How’s Eddie?”

“He’ll have to have a chest tube in for the next few days to re-expand his lung-”

“A chest tube?” Maddie turned to Chim, “How bad was the pnuemo?”

Hen glanced back at the doctor as they led Pepa and Isobel into the room. She let out a long breath, “To put it bluntly: his damn ribcage was used as a punching bag. The doctors said there were too many fractures to count and that it was a miracle that he hadn’t had any problems till now considering some of the calls we’ve taken.”

“Here I thought Buck was the thick-headed one,” Chim muttered.

Maddie swatted his shoulder.

Hen continued, “It’ll be at least eight weeks before there’s even a possibility of him being healthy enough to come back to active duty. Although, from what I picked up from Bobby, it could be longer than that.”

“Cap’s suspending him?” Buck blurted out, surprised.

Hen looked at him with an unreadable expression, “I don’t know, but Eddie knowingly came to work with injuries and told no one about them.” Her eyes were sad when she looked back down the hall, “Something’s going on in his head and until he gets his shit together, it’s not safe for him to come back.”

It was like the universe had turned a mirror on Buck, showing him the other side of the story he’d already read. Here was someone he cared for in the hospital, who he knew would want to get back to work as soon as he could, but would be denied return until they thought he was ready to come back…

Although, it wasn’t as though Buck _asked_ to be crushed by a firetruck…

Whatever Eddie had done, he’d _chosen _it…

But that did nothing to lessen his guilt.

His thoughts were broken up by the sound of Chris’ crutches.

Buck crouched down, “What’re you doin’ kid?”

“Pepa wanted to…talk with Daddy. Said to come and see you.”

Any further questions about what exactly that meant were answered with the sound of loud, rapid-fire Spanish before the door clicked shut and Buck nearly winced in sympathy. That kind of ass-chewing didn’t need any translation.

“Well,” Chim clapped, “I’m going down to the cafeteria. Anyone want to join me?”

“Sounds good to me,” Maddie added, slipping her hand into Chim’s. “Hen?”

She shrugged, “Why not?”

Then his sister turned those big brown eyes on him, “Evan?”

He went to say no-

“Can you stay with me, Buck?”

_Thank god for this kid…_

“Yeah, bud, of course.” He sat back down in the chair, helping Christopher into the one right next to him before looking back up at Maddie, hoping to communicate his thanks without words as he asked, “Can you get me some water?”

“Yep, I can.” She turned to Chris, “Do you want anything?”

“Chocolate milk?”

Maddie smiled, “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you, Maddie!”

“You’re quite welcome, Christopher.”

Buck didn’t say anything as the three had made their way down to the cafeteria and he listened closely, he could faintly hear Pepa and Isobel tearing into Eddie. “So what did you work on at school today, buddy?”

Christopher was happy to regale him with stories of his favorite teacher, all his friends, and the art projects he was working on. His boundless enthusiasm and excitement were exactly what Buck needed after these last two weeks.

“Buck?”

He looked up and found Pepa walking over to him, her tense features softening when Christopher smiled at her but the heaviness remained in her eyes when she motioned a ways down the hall.

“Hey, Chris. I’m going to talk to Pepa. Your grandma’s going to come and sit with you alright?”

“Okay, Buck.”

He pushed himself up once more, following the older woman until they were out of Chris’ hearing range. Buck leaned against the wall so he could keep an eye on Chris, the urge to do so practically ingrained in him since the tsunami. “What is it?”

“Edmundo has been through much this past year.” She watched Christopher talk animatedly with Isobel before glancing down the hall at the now-closed door, “He thinks he needs to carry the world on his shoulders, but I fear it’s become too much.”

Buck swallowed, not really sure how he was supposed to respond to that.

“What did you tell Christopher?”

The sudden shift of conversation was jarring, her words lingering as he took a moment to straighten out his thoughts. But the foreboding in her voice spoke of experience, of a knowledge of Eddie that even Buck didn’t have.

Hell, there were things about him that no one but Maddie knew.

That thought alone just made what she said more concerning.

Buck cleared his throat, “Just that he was hurt in the fire.”

She nodded, “Thank you for bringing him here.”

He shrugged, cheeks warming, “Not a problem.”

Pepa said nothing for a long moment, “Did you want to talk to Eddie?”

Buck grimaced, “Not sure he’ll want me in the same room right now.”

That got a chuckle out of her, “The Diaz family certainly are ones to hold grudges.”

“I’m pretty sure this is more than a grudge.” Buck had been on the end of one too many of those to know what they felt like. Hell, he’d spent the last two weeks doing all the grunge work for the 118 without complaint. “He hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” She put a hand on his arm, “He’s heartbroken.”

Buck frowned, “Why would you think that?”

She pursed her lips, “When Shannon left, he was much the same.”

The name completely caught him off guard, hitting like a sucker punch because he knew just how hard Eddie had taken Shannon’s departure, how much it weighed on him, how much it had hurt him. And when she’d died… “But she was his wife. I didn’t think that…”

“That he cared about you that much?” Pepa’s smile was almost amused like she could sense he wanted to say otherwise. “I know my nephew. Edmundo hides his emotions away from all but a few and he hides them well, but he’s opened up to you in a way I’ve never seen. He’s made himself vulnerable.”

_And I stabbed him in the back…_

Buck recalled the feeling, sitting across from Bobby and Athena and he hated himself even more because no one deserved to be told that they were a liability, that no believed in them, that they weren’t enough…

He’d thought that none of them had cared, but…

His eyes burned, “I never meant to…I didn’t realize…”

“Hindsight is twenty-twenty.” She said gently, “Now go talk to him.”

Buck blinked, “I…”

Pepa squeezed his shoulder, “Go. I’ll give you two some privacy.”

He sputtered, no words coming out as the woman left to go talk to Christopher and he eyed the closed door warily, but after Pepa just dropped that handful of grenades in his lap, Buck knew he wouldn’t be able to let it go until he talked to Eddie.

So he opened the door without a second thought.

The sight of all the monitors and pallid skin was jarring enough but the chest tube coming out of his side was scary. A reminder of how bad it had gotten. How angry he’d been. How far Eddie had fallen into the dark…

But the man didn’t even turn his head to the door, “_Ahoro no, Tía_.”

Buck walked up to the bed, “Why didn’t you say something?”

The EKG showed an increased heart rate when Eddie’s gaze met his and Buck was surprised by how _much _he could see in the man’s eyes, the guilt and the sadness and the pain were so raw it made Buck’s chest ache.

Eddie couldn’t seem to form any words.

Buck cleared his throat, unsure of what to do with his hands. “I mean…I understand why you wouldn’t talk to _me_, considering…everything.” he trailed off, “After all the shit I told the lawyer, I wouldn’t be surprised if you hated me for-”

“I don’t hate you, Buck.”

Even though Pepa (and Maddie probably if she’d been able) told him the same, it was entirely different thing coming from Eddie. Buck could feel some tension bleed out of him, but there was still the matter of why Eddie had been acting like that in the first place…

_“He’s heartbroken.”_

Buck tried not to linger on what Pepa had been implying with those words.

“I’m sorry that I ever let you think that.”

Buck felt something in him lurch at the sight of tears shining in Eddie’s eyes, torn between snapping at him with _what else was I supposed to think _and wanting to brush the tears away and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

He did neither, his warring thoughts just leaving him more confused.

“I was…” he looked down at the chest tube, his expression crumbling as he stared up at the ceiling. “It wasn’t supposed to get this bad. It wasn’t supposed to go this far. I thought that if I could get the anger out, I wouldn’t bring it to the 118. I wouldn’t bring it _home _and…” he tried to take a deep breath and winced, “I fucked it all up and I’m sorry. _Dios mio_, I’m _sorry_…”

Buck moved forward without thinking, placing a hand his shoulder, “Hey, hey, Eddie…”

Eddie slipped into Spanish, like he was praying for forgiveness, for absolution…

It broke Buck’s heart and he didn’t hesitate to sit down on the edge of the bed and slide his hand up until it cupped Eddie’s face, forcing those eyes back on him instead of some faraway place Buck couldn’t reach. “Look at me, Eddie. Just breathe.”

Again the EKG registered an accelerated heartbeat, those hazel eyes wide.

“We’ll figure it out alright?” He reached down to uncurl Eddie’s hand from the sheets, mindful of all the tubes and wires, and squeezing it. “I can talk to Bobby even, explain the situation to him and…”

Eddie's fingers suddenly tightened around his wrist, “Buck…”

The pressure of his fingers to the inside of his wrist had whatever words he planned on saying scattering to the wind, reminding him a very similar moment only weeks ago with that same hand curled over his shoulder…

_“There’s no one in the world I trust with my son more than you.”_

He blinked, “Yeah?”

The ghost of a smile tugged at Eddie’s lips, “You don’t need to explain anything to him.”

Buck sputtered, “But he might suspend you and…”

“I would deserve it.”

Buck frowned, “But…” 

“I endangered so many lives with my choices…Your’s and Christopher’s included.” Eddie’s thumb moved absently along the inside of Buck’s wrist, grief and self-loathing flitting behind his eyes for the barest of moments, “I swore I would never leave my son again and…”

Buck found he had nothing to say in response, too lost in the sensation of the igniting touch brushing back and forth over his skin and how warm Eddie’s cheek was against his palm. _Why couldn’t he move?_

Eddie winced as he tried to take a deep breath, “Whatever happens because of this, I’ll accept it. I messed up and I’ll pay the consequences.” He squeezed Buck’s wrist when he got no response, “Do you hear me, Evan?”

His stomach clenched at the sound of his name leaving those lips, “Hmm?”

Eddie’s brow furrowed, “Buck, you still with me?”

Buck cleared his throat, trying to reorganize his thoughts.

Eddie’s mouth lifted up at one side, “Did I break you?”

Buck’s face flushed bright red and he went to pull back. Maybe the distance would get rid of this damn…_haze _that seemed to envelop his thoughts but he was prevented from doing so by the surprising iron hold on his wrist.

His eyes flitted downward, taking note of the bruised knuckles. “I…”

“You know…when my lung collapsed, the first thing I thought was that I failed everyone.” The tears were in his eyes again, but his voice was steady, “That everything I’d worked so hard to fight, to overcome, had been in vain. That were things left undone, things left unsaid…all because I’d been too stubborn, too _afraid _to do them.”

His fingers seared Buck’s skin, but the pain was more than welcome and he didn’t bother fighting his hold as Eddie drew him closer. He was too far gone, the pull of this man something Buck had never really been able to resist from the moment he laid eyes on him.

The feeling had been terrifying and he’d reacted…poorly, to say the least.

“What exactly are you saying, Eddie?”

Eddie lifted a brow, “I think you know exactly what I’m saying.”

Buck blinked, completely at a loss for words and wondering how in the hell they’d gotten here so quickly. His eyes moved over the man’s features and Buck could feel Eddie do the same, the silence between them stretching for one heartbeat, two heartbeats, three, four…

“Do you…” he once again looked down at the fingers curled around his wrist, the thought of interlacing them with his own flitted across his mind and had him blushing with the intimacy of it. “Are you saying that you…_care_ about me?”

The smile that stretched across Eddie’s face was perhaps one of the most beautiful things Buck had seen in a long time and it absolutely took his breath away before the words he spoke next nearly knocked him off his feet.

“I’m saying I _love_ you, Evan Buckley.”

“You…” Buck sputtered in stunned disbelief, “_What_?”

Eddie’s expression was one of fondness, his thumb running back and forth along Buck’s racing pulse and there was a mischievous warmth in his eyes that Buck hadn’t seen for weeks. “Do I need to repeat it, _mi amor_?”

Buck was fully aware of what Eddie was doing and hated that he couldn’t stop his heart from nearly beating right out of his chest anyways. “No, uh…no you don’t. It’s just…” he sat back down on the edge of the bed, “I’m just…it was a surprise.”

Eddie hummed, “A welcome one?”

Buck grinned, reaching up to cup his face, “Definitely.”

And before he could second-guess himself, Buck leaned forward and kissed him, just the barest pressure at first, before he pulled back to rest his forehead against Eddie’s and held his breath. He couldn’t stop thinking that he’d pushed too hard too quickly when Eddie pulled his hand from his, curled it around his neck and dragged him down.

All the worries and apologies and questions fled his mind, being replaced by the feelings and sensations: the softness of Eddie’s mouth, the groan he made as his fingers dug into his neck, the rasp of stubble along his palm, the warmth filling every space within him…

_God, why hadn’t they done this sooner?_

Eddie stiffened, sinking back onto the bed with a hiss, “_Shit_.”

Buck pulled back, immediately concerned, “Eddie?”

“It’s fine, just…” His head fell back with a groan, “My fucking ribs…”

Buck might’ve cracked a joke about taking his breath away if the circumstances had been different, so he settled for a teasing smile. “Stop getting punched so much and maybe we’ll see how long we can go.”

Eddie’s eyes dropped to Buck’s mouth…

“Are we interrupting something, Edmundo?”

Buck was thankful his back was to the door so that he could watch the myriad of emotions move over Eddie’s face at Isobel’s innocent yet _loaded _question, his own embarrassment hidden as he stood and turned, offering the woman a smile that Maddie referred to as his _I’ve-done-nothing-wrong-ever_ look that made her want to hit him upside the head.

Isobel only arched an eyebrow, a fond smile pulling at her mouth. The look was so similar to Eddie’s that Buck knew, while the woman was a doting mother and grandmother, he would never be able to pull anything over on her.

She looked at Eddie, “_Le has besado todavía?_”

The man went red and he groaned, “_Abuela_…”

“So that is a yes then?”

“_Sí_. _Sí._” He motioned to the door, “_Puedes ir…por favor?” _

She smiled, walking over and patting Buck on the cheek, “I’ll see you Sunday.”

Buck blinked, watching the woman leave before turning to Eddie in confusion, “What-?”

He just sighed in resignation, “Family dinner.”

Buck opened his mouth, to say what he wasn’t sure, but…

“No.” Eddie cut in, “You’re coming. If I have to suffer through it, so do you.”

“I wasn’t going to leave you at their mercy. I did say I’d have your back.” He grinned, taking Eddie’s hand as he sat back down, “Besides, you’ll have to deal the 118 so I think it’s a pretty fair trade.”

Eddie laughed, “You don’t know my family.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to get to know them on Sunday,” Buck said simply.

Eddie’s whole face softened as he squeezed his hand, “God, I love you, you know that?”

Buck leaned down, “So you’ve said.”

The kiss was supposed to be quick, a short peck, until Eddie’s teeth tugged on his bottom lip and Buck couldn’t stop himself from pressing forward as the sensation sent a shock of heat arching down his spine and groaned, “Eddie…”

The man stiffened, jaw clenched as he fell back, “_Mierda._”

Buck just smiled, “Just so you know. _This _one is on you.”

Eddie narrowed his eyes, wincing, “Fuck you, Buckley.”

“Gladly, _Diaz_.” He grinned at Eddie’s stunned expression, even though a part of him was screaming at him to shut up before he said anything more he would regret. But Buck rarely listened to that voice, “Maybe when you can actually _breathe_ normally.”

“Dad! Buck!”

Christopher’s arrival was like a bucket of ice water and Buck stood, reluctantly dropping Eddie’s hand as he grabbed a chair and drew it as close to his bedside as he could get, “Hey, Chris…” he lifted his eyes and found Maddie standing in the doorway, clearing his throat, “Maddie.”

She didn’t bother hiding her smile, practically vibrating as she led Chris to the chair.

Eddie only had eyes for his son, “Hey, _mi hijo_.”

“Maddie got me chocolate milk.” He held up the carton with a grin.

“I can see that.” He smiled, ruffling his hair, “_Thank you_, Maddie.”

She nodded, turning back to Buck, “Talk to you later?”

“Yeah.” Buck waited until Maddie had left until he sat back down on the edge of the bed, listening to Christopher tell his father the same stories he’d told Buck earlier with the same joy and enthusiasm as before and watching Eddie’s face the entire time and wondered how he hadn’t picked up the man’s feelings before.

The only other time his expression softened like that was when he looked at Eddie.

The realization had him grinning like an idiot.

“Why are you smiling, Buck?”

He chuckled at Christopher’s question, “I’m just happy that your dad’s okay.”

Chris patted Buck’s cheek, “Me too.”

Eddie met his gaze as reached out and took his hand, that beautiful wide smile warming Buck to his very core and he knew that, no matter what happened, they were all going to pull through this in one piece. Together.

As a family.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
_Le has besado todavía?_: Have you kissed him yet?  
_Puedes ir…por favor?_: Can you go...please?  
_Mierda_: Shit


End file.
